Everyday sexism #2

Because I'm feeling militant (still), and because BrotherBear almost decided to wind me up last night, I thought I'd take the opportunity to recount another incident of everyday sexism that has irked me. Again, it wasn't a huge affront; I wasn't physically assaulted; my life's course has not been altered. But it was yet another tedious case of male entitlement. Male presumption. Male domination. It was a brief encounter with some boys from one of the local schools. Initially I laughed it off, with the currently-popular phrase, "boys will be boys" echoing through my mind. And then I thought, "No, damn it!" There is no reason to excuse bad behaviour on the grounds that boys somehow can't help being sexist pigs. They can. They should.

I refuse to be party to the attitude that boys somehow get a free-pass on shitty behaviour just because they're young. I refuse to accept that "we all make mistakes when we're young" is enough to excuse young men from sexual assaults. I refuse to sit down and shut up while my body is considered an open target for comment by any man who feels so inclined. 

Rather than explaining in yet another way what this particular occurrence was, I shall instead share the letter I sent to the boys' school....

Dear School Office,

Yesterday afternoon I had a rather disappointing interaction with three of your boys. I couldn't tell you who they were, or even how old they were, though I would guess about 12-13 years old. They were wearing their school uniform, hence my decision to contact you. It was not a serious incident, and I don't want you to think I am seeking any kind of punishment to be meted out, but I would like you to be aware of the event.

I was cycling home with my six-year old from the Junior School site, when three of your boys, who were standing on the path with their bikes and scooters, called out to me...

"Can I ask you a question?"

Filled with the milk of human kindness, naturally I stopped and was willing to answer whatever question they might have had. I was met with silence. I gently prompted them to go ahead, only to have more silence. Eventually, my would-be questioner announced he couldn't remember. "That's unusual," I replied, and continued on my way, keen to catch up with my own son before he reached the road. 

As I cycled off, the non-questioner then shouted after me, "You're fit!"

Not, as I said, a serious incident. It was probably a dare, and they probably thought they were being brave and funny and clever. And, as they were young, and I am old and wise(!) I didn't feel threatened. BUT, after a lifetime of living in a world where women are routinely whistled at, leered at, shouted at and judged by men, I had hoped the next generation had moved beyond that behaviour. It's just not OK for men to shout at women in the street. And when those boys are 16 or 17 instead of 12 or 13, what seems brave and funny to them now will be threatening and unpleasant for the girl or woman that they choose as their target.

I don't want anyone to make a huge issue of this, but I would like you to be aware that some of your students are behaving this way, and that perhaps a gentle reminder of what is acceptable and what is not would be in order.

best regards

PhysicsBear

I'm sure there are those among you who are now thinking, "Huh? That was it?" You are perhaps wondering why I am so enraged by something so minor, and why I am mentioning sexual assault in the same breath as "You're fit!"

It's because it's all part and parcel of the same attitude of entitlement; the same entrenched view that women are objects, present only for the titillation and gratification of men. And yes, I know, not all men. Don't bother to tell me that. The problem isn't all men. The problem is there are enough men. Enough men who don't see that wolf-whistling at a woman out running is sexual harrassment; enough men who don't accept that once you start viewing women as objects you open the door to treating them as objects; who don't understand that we're sick of it, we've had enough, we are not empty vessels for their fantasies, inadequacies or rage to be projected onto.

BigBear (and this is no insult to BigBear) commented to me that, "It's the same thing that happened when we were young. Nothing's changed."

And therein lies the problem. Nothing's changed. Isn't it about time something did?