A little over twenty years ago, BrotherBear gave me a book. Though I've only read it once, it has stayed with me, as has the memory of my own reaction to it. It was called "Into the Forest" and was written by Jean Hegland. It was a post-apocalyptic novel with two sisters attempting to fend for themselves after the total breakdown of society and technology. They lived in a rural area of the US and were accustomed to their family growing their own fruit and vegetables and bottling some at the end of the summer. But then, as food became more and more scarce, and they lacked the seeds or plants to grow everything they needed, they even resorted to making acorn flour to bake bread from.
It was this that tipped me over the edge, and thus it was that I sat sobbing to Piglet that I was going to die because I didn't even know how to turn acorns into flour, and I have no usable survival skills whatsoever. Being a very understanding Piglet, she humoured me in this total meltdown, and we hatched a Cunning Plan.
Our Cunning Plan hinged upon the fact that at that time friend Tigger's parents lived in a rural(ish) area, in a very large house, with very large grounds, and they grew lots of things, and Tigger's mother was one of those immensely competent women who knew how to pickle things, and made her own mayonnaise. So we decided that when the apocalypse came, we'd retreat to Tigger's parents' house and they'd already know how to preserve fruits, and we could work out how to make acorn flour.
And now here we are, more than twenty years later. There's no flour in the shops and I still don't know how to make flour out of acorns. And Tigger's parents have retired, and moved to a smaller and more manageable home. They might not even want me, BigBear, LittleBear, four Piglets, four Tiggers, and their other three children and families to descend upon them. Besides which, that probably wouldn't count as social distancing.
All my deranged plans have fallen apart. Why oh why didn't I learn to make acorn flour in the twenty years I had available to me??
Footnote: this is a joke. I am not worried that I am going to need to make flour out of acorns. Let's be calm and stop buying All The Food.
The local Wal-Mart wouldn't let me buy more than one milk for five (5) people, even though I have an anaphylactic allergy to dairy products, so I went to three stores instead and ration cards were a thing for a reason, is all I'm saying. (I doubt the current US govt could find their way out of a wet paper bag so I devoutly hope they don't try this; millions would die.)
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