Under the weather and over-reacting

Over the past couple of weeks, I've looked at my computer, or even got as far as looking at this blog, and then a wave of weariness and ennui has swept across me and I haven't written anything. I keep having "things" I want to write about, I keep writing "things" in my head. In fact, I keep ranting in my head about lots of different "things". But then, I just don't quite have the energy. And I go over what I've been thinking about and realise that it's all a bit of a storm in a teacup.

And now, the lack of sleep caused by LittleBear's night-time coughing, and nightmares, has caught up with me. And the vague feeling of being a bit under the weather has evolved into a full-blown cold. I now have a fever, and a headache, and my neck hurts, and I'm very bad-tempered. And I realise that perhaps some of the "things" that I've been ranting about in my head are not really worth ranting about. So it's probably a good thing that I didn't.

So instead of writing about all the things that have been getting me worked up, I'm going to try and take a step back. I'm not going to write to the school about The Thing that's really bugging me - I'm going to sit back and wait till I'm calm and see if I still think it's a problem; I won't be trying to "fix" things for my LittleBear that probably aren't really bothering him, but that I'm fretting about; I am going to stop pushing back against the colleague who is determined to undermine me and do the opposite of what I've planned - I've put everything in writing and passed it on to the MD; I'm going to stop contorting myself in the hope that people will like me and just be; I'm going to stop focussing on the hows and whys and whats of other people's behaviour - I cannot control what other people do, but I can try to always speak and act with integrity and honesty. If I don't receive the same in return, that is not a judgement on me.

Meanwhile the positives, rather than just the ambitions:

It's half-term, and I'm going fossil-hunting in Lyme Regis with both my bears in a few days time. (I'm not completely convinced how much fun BigBear and I are going to have in the cold and the wet, staring at rocks, but I think we'll enjoy LittleBear having fun.)

Yesterday I finally went to see my osteopath, after giving up on my GP, and he diagnosed a problem with my L3-L4 facet joint, and now for the first time in a year I don't have a line of pain and numbness running down my right leg. An absence of pain and discomfort is a wonderful way to improve my temper.

LittleBear has a party this afternoon, and it's a drop-off! In truth I may stay with him, and help my friend out with a village hall full of small monsters, but the idea that LittleBear is now a Big Enough Bear to go to parties and be left there is pretty damn exciting. Or it might reduce me to tears that my baby is growing up and doesn't need me. One or the other.